Klawde: Evil Alien Warlord Cat
by Johnny Marciano and Emily Chenoweth
Dogs are a man’s best friend. Cats…not so much. Your dog will mourn over your death. Your cat could find you dead in the middle of the floor, throw you a cursory glance, and find something more appealing to do. Don’t send me hate mail, cat lovers. You know I am telling the truth. Cats are interesting little creatures.
Klawde, the Lord High Emperor of the Planet LYTTYRBOKS, is a cat that had been so relentless and ruthless in his climb to power that the only proper punishment is one that has not been practiced for many years. It was deemed too cruel to ever be practiced again, but now they will make an exception. Klawde is banished to the most horrible, distant, and desolate planet in the universe: Earth. When he arrives, there is a liquid falling out of the sky. He must find shelter in one of the fortresses where the Humans live.
Raj is a socially awkward young man. He enjoyed his life in Brooklyn, NY, where he had friends, but now he and his parents have moved almost 3,000 miles across the country to Elba, Ore. How boring! At least his life was boring before the Lord High Emperor of LYTTYRBOKS showed up outside his front door. Raj’s parents agreed to let him keep the cat, but he must do something he never thought he would do. He must go to Camp Eclipse and socialize. Blah!
Klawde is not sure what this ogre is, but he realizes that it stands on two legs and is as big as twenty cats. The scariest part is that this beast (Raj) has no fur! Let the adventure begin.
This hilarious story is told from both the perspective of Klawde and the perspective of Raj. After you read this book you will be wondering if cats are intergalactic creatures that have been sent to Earth as punishment for their crimes on other planets. Again, don’t send me hate mail.
My thoughts: From the opening sentence of this book I was laughing out loud. The most humorous parts are how Klawde perceives Earth. Rain is a fowl liquid that makes him damp and clumpy. He must stoop to the level of a barbarian tree cat and lick himself. At the veterinarian’s office, Klawde attacks the vet because he “drew out a tiny spear and tried to stab me in the neck.” As I have already said, cats are interesting creatures. If this book was true, it might explain a lot. You can read this book in one sitting and laugh out loud just like I did.
Ricky Statham is director at Oneonta Public Library. Visit the library Monday and Thursday from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m.; Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; and Saturday from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m., to check out this or another great book.